Ally guide

4 min read · Checked September 17, 2026

How to be a good ally

Someone put you in his corner. When a known adult site opens on his device, your phone may get one short text with the app, the device and the time. Your job is to reach out, not to referee. This page is what to say, what not to say, and what you will never see.

On this page

What the text means

The text your ally receives

On Guard

Text message

On Guard: Explicit content detected in Safari on Joe's iPhone at 11:42 PM ET. Mike, now's a good time to check in with Joe. Reply HELP for help, STOP to opt out.

  • No image
  • No link
  • No site
  • No category

Allies are alerted with the app, the device and the time. No additional details.

The whole message. His name replaces "your brother".

That is everything you get. It means a known adult site was opened on one of his devices, and he saw the gate on his own screen before your phone buzzed. It does not tell you what he saw, which site, or for how long. It does not tell you he did anything wrong. It tells you now is a good time.

The honest line

The text fires when the gate goes up, not on what happens after it. He may have closed the tab. He may not have. You will not know unless he tells you, and that is the point.

What to say

Three check-ins that work

Saw the ping. You good?

Hey. Around if you want to talk. No pressure.

Got time for a call this week?

Short. Same day. Warm. A check-in is an open door, not a summons. If he answers with one word, take it. If he wants to talk, listen more than you talk.

  • Reply within the hour if you can. Speed says you meant it.
  • Ask how he is, not what happened.
  • Offer something concrete. A call tonight, a catch-up this week, a walk.
  • Keep what he tells you between the two of you.

What not to say

  • Do not ask what it was. You cannot see it, and asking turns a check-in into a report.
  • Do not lecture. He already saw the gate. He put you here so the moment would not be private, not so it would be graded.
  • Do not keep score. Three texts in a week is information about a hard week, not a verdict on the man.
  • Do not go quiet. Silence reads as judgment. A single line beats a perfect line sent tomorrow.

He is the one doing the work. You are the one who shows up. That split is what makes this bearable for both of you.

What you cannot see, and why

You can see

  • That a check-in fired: the text itself.
  • A text if he signs out or uninstalls On Guard.
  • A text if one of his devices goes quiet for 7 days.
  • If you have the app: whether each of his devices is On guard or Gone quiet, when it was last seen, and an alert if he turns defense off.

You cannot see

  • The site, app, image, or category.
  • Screenshots. None is ever sent to an ally.
  • His history, or a count of events.
  • Anything from the suggestive tier. Those nudges never leave his screen.
  • His billing. A payment problem never reaches an ally.

The promise

Allies are alerted with the app, the device and the time. No additional details.

The promise

Alert texts arrive in a group text with the member and one ally, so both read the same message. Allies never share a thread with each other. The welcome and removal texts go to the ally alone.

Detection runs on his device, and no picture of his screen can reach you. There is no path in the system that could send you more, and it was built that way on purpose. It keeps you a brother instead of a warden, and it keeps him honest with you instead of with a feed.

What your ally receives, and does not The same facts, from his side.

If you need out

  • Reply STOP to any On Guard text and the texts stop. Reply HELP for help.
  • If you have the app, open Allies and choose "Stop backing" him.
  • Or ask him to remove you from his Allies list. You get a text confirming it.

Stepping out cleanly is fine. Going quiet is not. Tell him, so he can ask someone else.

Questions

How often will I hear from On Guard?

Only when a known adult site opens on his device: at most three check-in texts a day, one per half-hour burst, and up to 8 messages a day counting the other notices. Most allies hear nothing for long stretches.

Do I need the app?

No. Texts reach your phone number. The app adds a view of whether his devices are standing guard, and a defense-off alert lands there.

Can I text him back through On Guard?

When the check-in comes as a group text (US and Canada), yes: he is in that thread, so your reply reaches him. To a single text from On Guard, HELP and STOP are the only replies the number understands. Your own thread with him is always better anyway.

What does "Gone quiet" mean?

A device has not checked in for 7 days. He was warned at day 5, and owning another device does not silence the text. It might be a dead battery or a long trip. Ask.

What if he removes me?

You get a text saying you were removed and the check-ins stop. No hard feelings are required. He may be swapping allies, not quitting.

Checked September 17, 2026 against the shipping app. If something here no longer matches what you see, email team@stayonguard.app.

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