Ally guide
4 min read · Checked September 17, 2026
How to ask someone to be your ally
Pick one man you would answer the phone for at 11 pm. Tell him what he will get and what he will never see. Send the link. The ask takes three sentences, and most men say yes.
On this page
Who to pick
The best ally is not the most impressive man you know. He is the one you would actually pick up for, and the one who would pick up for you.
- A brother, a close friend, a mentor, or your wife.
- Someone who texts back the same day.
- Someone who will not lecture. He already knows you are trying.
- Someone who is fine hearing from a robot number now and then. Most weeks he will hear nothing.
You can add more than one. Two allies who know each other is a strong setup: neither carries it alone, and you cannot quietly drop one.
A wife as an ally works when both of you want the check-in to be a signal, not a report card. Many men pick a brother first and add a spouse later. Some do the reverse. Your call, and you can change it any time.
What your ally gets, and what he never sees
The promise
Your ally gets a check-in if an adult site is opened on your devices, with the app, the device and the time. No additional details.
The text your ally receives
On Guard
Text message
On Guard: Explicit content detected in Safari on Joe's iPhone at 11:42 PM ET. Mike, now's a good time to check in with Joe. Reply HELP for help, STOP to opt out.
- No image
- No link
- No site
- No category
Allies are alerted with the app, the device and the time. No additional details.
He receives
- One short text when a known adult site is opened on one of your devices, with the app, the device and the time.
- A text if you sign out or uninstall On Guard.
- A text if a device goes quiet for 7 days.
- If he has the app: whether each of your devices is On guard or Gone quiet, and a defense-off alert.
He never receives
- The site, the page, the image, or a category. The text names the app, the device and the time and nothing else.
- Screenshots or any picture of your screen.
- Your history, a list of events, or a count.
- Anything from the suggestive tier. Nudges stay on your screen.
- Anything about your billing.
The promise
Alert texts arrive in a group text with the member and one ally, so both read the same message. Allies never share a thread with each other. The welcome and removal texts go to the ally alone.
So the check-in is not a message about you behind your back. You read it at the same moment he does, and what either of you writes back lands in the same thread.
There is a ceiling, too. At most three check-in texts a day, and one per half-hour burst. A bad night does not become thirty texts. Over the cap the gate still shows on your screen; the extra texts simply do not go out.
The ask, in three sentences
I am putting an app on my devices that gates explicit content, and I want you as my ally.
If a known adult site opens on one of my devices, you may get one text with the app, the device and the time. No screenshots, ever.
Can I send you the link? It takes two minutes.
Say it in person if you can. If he asks what he is supposed to do, the answer is short: reach out. That is the whole job. He does not need to install anything to get the texts.
If he says no, that is information, not a verdict. Thank him and ask the next man on your list.
Send the invite
In On Guard, open Allies. Or tap "Invite an ally" on the "You're on guard." screen right after setup.
"Go to dashboard" skips it during setup. Allies is always there afterwards.
In "Invite your allies", tap Share or Copy link and text it to him.
One link works for everyone you invite and stays valid for 7 days. "New link" makes a fresh one and retires the old.
He opens the link, signs in, verifies his email and his phone with a code, and taps Accept Invite.
He gets a confirmation text: "You're now an ally on On Guard. If {your name} needs a check-in, you may get a short text …". Reply HELP and STOP work from the first message.
Check Allies in the app. He is listed as your ally, and you are done.
No app is needed on his side for the texts. If he installs On Guard and signs in with the same account, he can also see whether your devices are standing guard, and a defense-off alert lands there.
Install On Guard, step by step The setup walk for each platform, including the ally step.
After he says yes
- Tell him what a good check-in looks like. "Saw the ping. You good?" is enough.
- Agree on what the text means to both of you: a nudge to reach out, not a summons and not a report.
- On builds that include it, run the Block test (Settings → Test your guard). The TEST text lands on your own phone, so you can show him the exact message. No ally is texted by a test.
- Send him the ally guide below. It is written for him.
How to be a good ally What to say, what not to say, what he cannot see.
Questions
Does my ally need the app?
No. The check-in goes to his phone number, in a group text with you (US and Canada; elsewhere it goes to him alone). If he installs On Guard and signs in, he also sees whether each of your devices is standing guard, and a defense-off alert reaches him there.
Can I have more than one ally?
Yes. Each alert text goes to one of them, chosen at random, and each ally has his own thread with you. Allies never share a thread with each other. One invite link covers all of them within its 7 days.
Can I remove an ally later?
Yes. In Allies, open his card and choose "Remove as your ally". He gets a text saying he was removed, and no more check-ins reach him.
What if he stops wanting the texts?
He can reply STOP to any text, or choose "Stop backing" you in the app if he has it. You will see him leave your Allies list. Nobody is penalized.
Checked September 17, 2026 against the shipping app. If something here no longer matches what you see, email team@stayonguard.app.
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