How to ask someone to be your ally

Pick one man you would answer the phone for at 11 pm. Tell him what he will get and what he will never see. Send the link. The ask takes three sentences, and most men say yes.

On this page

Who to pick

The best ally is not the most impressive man you know. He is the one you would actually pick up for, and the one who would pick up for you.

A brother, a close friend, a mentor, or your wife.
Someone who texts back the same day.
Someone who will not lecture. He already knows you are trying.
Someone who is fine hearing from a robot number now and then. Most weeks he will hear nothing.

You can add more than one. Two allies who know each other is a strong setup: neither carries it alone, and you cannot quietly drop one.

A wife as an ally works when both of you want the check-in to be a signal, not a report card. Many men pick a brother first and add a spouse later. Some do the reverse. Your call, and you can change it any time.

What your ally gets, and what he never sees

The promise

Your ally gets a check-in if explicit content appears — no details, just a nudge to reach out.

The text your ally receives

On Guard

Text message

On Guard: now's a good time to check in with your brother. Reply HELP for help, STOP to opt out.

No image
No link
No app name
No category

Allies are only ever told that something happened — never what. No screens, no history, no content.

The real message, word for word, with your name in place of "your brother".

He receives

One short text when explicit content is gated on one of your devices.
A text if you turn defense off, sign out, or uninstall On Guard.
A lapse alert if a device goes quiet for three days or more.
If he has the app: whether each of your devices is On guard or Gone quiet.

He never receives

The site, app, image, or category. The text has no details.
Screenshots or any picture of your screen. None exist.
Your history, a list of events, or a count.
Anything from the suggestive tier. Nudges stay on your screen.
Anything about your billing.

There is a ceiling, too. At most three check-in texts a day, and one per half-hour burst. A bad night does not become thirty texts. Over the cap the gate still shows on your screen; the extra texts simply do not go out.

The ask, in three sentences

A text you can send as is

I am putting an app on my devices that gates explicit content, and I want you as my ally.

If it fires, you get one text that says it is time to check in with me. No details, no screenshots, ever.

Can I send you the link? It takes two minutes.

Say it in person if you can. If he asks what he is supposed to do, the answer is short: reach out. That is the whole job. He does not need to install anything to get the texts.

If he says no, that is information, not a verdict. Thank him and ask the next man on your list.

Send the invite

In On Guard, open Allies. Or tap "Invite an ally" on the "You're on guard." screen right after setup.
"Go to dashboard" skips it during setup. Allies is always there afterwards.
In "Invite your allies", tap Share or Copy link and text it to him.
One link works for everyone you invite and stays valid for 7 days. "New link" makes a fresh one and retires the old.
He opens the link, signs in, verifies his email and his phone with a code, and taps Accept Invite.
He gets a confirmation text: "You're now an ally on On Guard. You'll get a short text when it's time to check in with …". Reply HELP and STOP work from the first message.
Check Allies in the app. He is listed as your ally, and you are done.

No app is needed on his side for the texts. If he installs On Guard and signs in with the same account, he can also see whether your devices are standing guard, and the lapse alert lands there.

Install On Guard, step by step The setup walk for each platform, including the ally step.

After he says yes

Tell him what a good check-in looks like. "Saw the ping. You good?" is enough.
Agree on what the text means to both of you: a nudge to reach out, not a summons and not a report.
On builds that include it, run the Block test (Settings → Test your guard). The TEST text lands on your own phone, so you can show him the exact message. No ally is texted by a test.
Send him the ally guide below. It is written for him.

How to be a good ally What to say, what not to say, what he cannot see.

Questions

Does my ally need the app?

No. The check-in texts go to his phone number. If he installs On Guard and signs in, he also sees whether each of your devices is standing guard, and the lapse alert reaches him there.

Can I have more than one ally?

Yes. Each active ally gets his own text. One invite link covers all of them within its 7 days.

Can I remove an ally later?

Yes. In Allies, open his card and choose "Remove as your ally". He gets a text saying he was removed, and no more check-ins reach him.

What if he stops wanting the texts?

He can reply STOP to any text, or choose "Stop backing" you in the app if he has it. You will see him leave your Allies list. Nobody is penalized.

Checked August 18, 2026 against the shipping app. If something here no longer matches what you see, email team@stayonguard.app.